allrighty folks, rant time!
as ya'll know i'm not too bad in the kitchen, so consequently i don't eat out very often, and when i do it tends to be on special occasions.
we decided after multiple hours of shopping(with a restless screaming toddler no less) to grab a to go order from the outback steakhouse here in clarksville tn.
visions of golden melted cheese atop my french fires, and succulent tasty cow filled my head...
so off we go to order our dinner, upon placing my order with obligatory modifications and additions, we were told that it would be ready in about 25 minutes.
we decided to mosey up to the bar and grab a soda while we waited, and jr promptly started pointing out all the "sharks" on the wall and growling at the wait staff (do sharks growl???)
after about 15 minutes of growls, gnashing teeth and general toddler underfootedness, it was decide that maybe we should go wait in the car, as that would severely reduce the chance of injury, and maybe maintain a touch more sanity.
we watch, and wait...and wait.... and wait... as multiple cars come and go picking up ther to-go orders. ath the 45 minute mark, jr starts in on his mantra.... "i'm staaaarrrrrving" ... "is that our food"..
no son its not
"i'm staaaarrrrrving" ... "is that our food"..
no
"i'm staaaarrrrrving" ... "is that our food"..
NO
"i'm staaaarrrrrving" ... "is that our food".. (this last one said with genuine tears)
no, but the next order damn well better be..
at an hour i decide to walk in and find out if they were done slaughtering the cow, and perhaps would we see our food sometime this decade.. when to my surprise out pops the order taker with a huge bag o chow....and tells me "i'm very sorry sir, we are very busy, it should'nt have taken so long"
well at this point i am tired, frustrated and hungry.... hell if ya took a shoe and put a little salt on it, i would've eaten it..
so off to the house we go to eat our tasty tasty cow in peace.
here is te meal broken down by item and what my expectations were vs. what we actually recieved.
appetizer : Aussie cheese fries with extra bacon and cheese
expected: golden brown fries topped with moleten cheese filling the container.
reality: sad little pile of blackened/dark brown fries that MIGHT have filled HALF the container with a mangled strip of bacon and some crumbles to boot, atop a pathetic sprinkling of cheese.
(i guess extra cheese/bacon means, ."they want FREEBIES.???? give em the CRAP from the back o the bin")
entree #1 ***EDEN'S***outback special (12 oz sirloin) medium rare
expected: (should be thin red line in center)
reality: little bit o pinkish tint to leather like grayish meat like substance
(i think ill order a bbq'd hoof next time.. good lord it would have to be more tender than what we got)
entree #2 ****SEANS**** flo's fillet 9oz filet rare
expected: (should be warm red center)
reality: ask for rare.. get medium.... par for the course... most gristly fillet i have ever had, additionally tasted a bit sour, as if aged too long, or just left out for a couple o hours.
(oh sure, i just ask for rare, because i actually want my steak cooked to death with a flamethrower...... rare people means , if ya stick the steak with a fork it fucking goes MOO!)
entree #3 ****jr's**** jackaroo chicken fingers
expected: chicken fingers
reality: chicken fingers
(holy crap, even outback can't screw up deep fried chicken bits)
veggies: steamed vegatables
expected: cooked
reality: dipped in warm water for 5 minutes.
(im all for natural vitamins and minerals.... but at least defrost the fucking veggies first)
conclusions.... if out back is "BUSY" and you get a to go order, they ASSUME taht you will:
a: not check your order before leaving (got that right)
b: will choke down whatever mediocre fodder they give you ( right again, never underestimate tired and hungry)
and c: take it up the ass and not complain! ( WRONG-O....)
conclusion, .. barring any response to the complaint left on outbacks website. time for a personal boycott of outback...
i highly suggest that any of you who happen to swing through the clarksville tn area, avoid the outback here at all costs... go to longhorn or logans instead..
aditionally, if you have an experience at an outback that sux... CALL AND COMPLAIN.. let em know that ya wont be screwed by them!
rant off...............
peace
-dawg
Friday, January 2, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
OH MY GAWD....LEGOOOOOOOOSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
christmas is over and done...DONE i tell ya........!!!!
christmas morning 8:35am
jr: mmpfff...mrmmm... morning da....... (jr stops and stares in stunned disbelief)
8:35 am (a handful of picoseconds later)
jr: ...............OH MY GOD!!!! le.... le......LEEEEEEGGGGOOOOOSSSS!!!!!
at this point the chant begins..... legos, legos, legos......legos, legos........ (repeat ad nauseum) and the for 5 solid minutes jr wanders around in a lego induced haze staring at the panorama of built lego sets, he kinda squats down and tenatively reaches towards the first car and hesitates for a second (as if afraid that the toys might dissapear in a puff of smoke).
then... like some sort of all devouring lego black hole... he starts pulling ALL of the legos into a neatly ordered pile in front of him and utters a low maniacal grin. (more than a bit reminiscent of some freaky rabid squirrell, hoarding nuts).
picture taking courtesy of mom ensues.... at this point it was decided that maybe.. just maybe we should break the insidious lego spell, and encourage him to open his other presents..
he picks up a wrapped present, and very laboriously starts to pick the tape off, and smooth back the paper, all the time casting glances about to ensure that he is "unwrapping properly"
mom says go ahead.. rip it open..... jr's eyes widen a bit and.......
..... a horerendous sound, a lot like a cow being launched into an airplane propeller comes from the area around jr ( whoosh GRRRRRRRaaaaccckkkk) .. bits of wrapping paper start raining down like confetti, and i seriously consider putting my raincoat on.
oohhhhh a transformer....... at this point he hands the transformer to me and says "here daddy, open it please" with nark the skip of a heartbeat he dives into the pile of presents set before him, and the disturbing sound of cow meeting highspeed chopper begins again..... wash rinse repeat......
until....
the last and largest present gets hauled out from under the tree (ah who am i kidding, hauled?? naah... it sort of teleported into his hands from the spot ath the back of the tree).
jr gives this most magnificent of presents a shake or two... or twenty...... and looks at both of us and screams....... MORE LEEEEGGGOOOSSSS.. (sucker knows what legos SOUND like??? wrapped up even??)
this package gets treated just a tiny bit easier..... RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPP......... (horrid horrid sound.. repeatedly... sounds like a bunnyrabbit being skinned) and as just enough of the box gets exposed for him to see that is in fact legos..... another bloodcurdling scream emits from his tiny frame...(the whole pack of sabine women have NOTHING on him)
CITYYYYY legoooos............
the remainder of the wrapping gets reduced to a fine spray of particulate matter, and he grabs this box of legos which is half as long, as he is tall..... hoists it over his head, so to show the world... and proclaims....
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!!
he then turns to me and gives me a hug and a kiss, n says..."i love you daddy, you rock"
ten foot tall and bullet proof??? nah.. i eat wusses like that for breakfast...
.
..
....
........
10 hours later... a mishmash of lego bricks and bits of former lego constructs litter the floor in coencentric circles around jr... he stands there surveying his domain, grabs his lego dragon, and emits a shockingly reptillian roar......
... OH MY GOD........GODZILLA .... iv'e raised godzilla..... heaven help us.
peace be unto all of you!
-dawg
christmas morning 8:35am
jr: mmpfff...mrmmm... morning da....... (jr stops and stares in stunned disbelief)
8:35 am (a handful of picoseconds later)
jr: ...............OH MY GOD!!!! le.... le......LEEEEEEGGGGOOOOOSSSS!!!!!
at this point the chant begins..... legos, legos, legos......legos, legos........ (repeat ad nauseum) and the for 5 solid minutes jr wanders around in a lego induced haze staring at the panorama of built lego sets, he kinda squats down and tenatively reaches towards the first car and hesitates for a second (as if afraid that the toys might dissapear in a puff of smoke).
then... like some sort of all devouring lego black hole... he starts pulling ALL of the legos into a neatly ordered pile in front of him and utters a low maniacal grin. (more than a bit reminiscent of some freaky rabid squirrell, hoarding nuts).
picture taking courtesy of mom ensues.... at this point it was decided that maybe.. just maybe we should break the insidious lego spell, and encourage him to open his other presents..
he picks up a wrapped present, and very laboriously starts to pick the tape off, and smooth back the paper, all the time casting glances about to ensure that he is "unwrapping properly"
mom says go ahead.. rip it open..... jr's eyes widen a bit and.......
..... a horerendous sound, a lot like a cow being launched into an airplane propeller comes from the area around jr ( whoosh GRRRRRRRaaaaccckkkk) .. bits of wrapping paper start raining down like confetti, and i seriously consider putting my raincoat on.
oohhhhh a transformer....... at this point he hands the transformer to me and says "here daddy, open it please" with nark the skip of a heartbeat he dives into the pile of presents set before him, and the disturbing sound of cow meeting highspeed chopper begins again..... wash rinse repeat......
until....
the last and largest present gets hauled out from under the tree (ah who am i kidding, hauled?? naah... it sort of teleported into his hands from the spot ath the back of the tree).
jr gives this most magnificent of presents a shake or two... or twenty...... and looks at both of us and screams....... MORE LEEEEGGGOOOSSSS.. (sucker knows what legos SOUND like??? wrapped up even??)
this package gets treated just a tiny bit easier..... RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPP......... (horrid horrid sound.. repeatedly... sounds like a bunnyrabbit being skinned) and as just enough of the box gets exposed for him to see that is in fact legos..... another bloodcurdling scream emits from his tiny frame...(the whole pack of sabine women have NOTHING on him)
CITYYYYY legoooos............
the remainder of the wrapping gets reduced to a fine spray of particulate matter, and he grabs this box of legos which is half as long, as he is tall..... hoists it over his head, so to show the world... and proclaims....
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!!
he then turns to me and gives me a hug and a kiss, n says..."i love you daddy, you rock"
ten foot tall and bullet proof??? nah.. i eat wusses like that for breakfast...
.
..
....
........
10 hours later... a mishmash of lego bricks and bits of former lego constructs litter the floor in coencentric circles around jr... he stands there surveying his domain, grabs his lego dragon, and emits a shockingly reptillian roar......
... OH MY GOD........GODZILLA .... iv'e raised godzilla..... heaven help us.
peace be unto all of you!
-dawg
Sunday, December 21, 2008
christmas memories and whatnot
Well, christmas is here, and with it comes the nearing of a new year. for most people christmas is a time of reflection and family, this is true for me as well. however this christmas is a bit poignant, as i sit here writing i am remembering my aunt ruth. ruth was the quintessential "christmas maven" many were the holidays spent with her, watching her create feasts that still lodge in my memory to this day.
ruth was technically the "keeper of the recipes"in the family (in reality my father, and now i have about half of them) these recipes are a collection of family culinary treasures that have wandered from generation to generation and have been jealously guarded for literally a couple of hundred years. every couple of generations we seem to have one cook pop up that will rework or just plain add new recipes to the ever expanding hoard.. my grandmother was one of these stellar cooks, and in the grand tradition she handed over the recipes (well, some of em anyway) to her daughter (ruth).
it must be said that she didnt turn them over easily or without much grumbling. but the decision was made to pass on the torch after a disastrous incident involving my grandfather.
meemaw (my grandmother) was going to be out of town for a couple of days visiting friends, and knowing my popoo's (my grandfather) absolute inability to boil water, had left him some turkey tetrazzini, fearing that he might in fact starve if left to his own devices (incidentally popoo loved turkey tetrazzini, and meemaw absolutely DESPISED the stuff..... such is love, she made it for him anyway)
she had left it in a tupperware container in the refridgerator with explicit instructions on how to prepare it, what rack in the oven, what temp, how long etc....
this should have been the end of things.. but ohh no.....
ruth gets a call on saturday morning (day after meemaw went out of time) from popoo asking if meemaw had left any of the tetrazzini with her, and if so would she mind if he stopped over that evening and had some.. when questioned by ruth as to what happened to the tetrazzini that meemaw had left for him.. he simply stated "he overcooked it"..
meemaw had in fact only left the tetrazzinin for popoo, but ruth being... well.. ruth, said sure dadi have some, come on over at 6 for dinner, we'd love to have you. at this point ruth made a mad dash for the store to get the ingredients to make turkey tetrazzini, several frantic hours later she completed her tetrazzini (which she had seen meemaw make many many times) just in time for popoo to arrive for dinner. after the meal when asked how he had enjoyed it, he stated "mother must not be feeling well, it wasnt like she usually makes it, i'm glad she got to go take a break for a few days.
well, ruth took things in stride, as popoo did not know, and was not trying to be mean, he was just being his usual straightforward self (he was always a little oblivious to the goings on in the family), and propmptly discussed the incident with meemaw after she returned from her trip...
upon investigation (meemaw never asked popoo what happened) she found a charred lump of plastic with bits of equally charred tetrazzini still embedded in it stuffed in the bottom of the wastebin. it seems popoo followed the instructions EXACTLY.. putting the tetrazzini in the oven plastic container and all. meemaw was NEVER to repeat this mistake, and with some back room dealing it was decide that ruth would get the recipe book, and that in any future trips, popoo would eat with ruth and her family..
and thus the recipes were handed on....
the tetrazzini was made many times by ruth after that, and the comment was always the same... it was good ruth.. but it just seemed to miss something..
ruth never got hurt by this, as meemaw did have a habit of omitting a "sceret ingredient" or two from her recipes... and in fact quite often recipes of hers made exactly from the instructions, often failed to match the output of her own kitchen..
it was not until many years later (shortly before my popoo passed away) that ruth finally gave in and called my father to ask if he happened to know what the secret ingredient for the tetrazzini was, he laughed and told her the secret 1/2 cup of scotch... the first time she had ever made the tetrazzinin for popoo, she had made him a small scotch on the rocks for before dinner, and with drink in hand had gone over to give the tetrazzini a stir, and dropped the drink into the food...
popoo loved it.. and she never had the heart to omit the scotch again...
that is love...... so, next time you sit down and eat a meal with your family.. consider.. if it is a "family recipe" what the story behind that recipe is, you might be surprised.
peace
-dawg
ruth was technically the "keeper of the recipes"in the family (in reality my father, and now i have about half of them) these recipes are a collection of family culinary treasures that have wandered from generation to generation and have been jealously guarded for literally a couple of hundred years. every couple of generations we seem to have one cook pop up that will rework or just plain add new recipes to the ever expanding hoard.. my grandmother was one of these stellar cooks, and in the grand tradition she handed over the recipes (well, some of em anyway) to her daughter (ruth).
it must be said that she didnt turn them over easily or without much grumbling. but the decision was made to pass on the torch after a disastrous incident involving my grandfather.
meemaw (my grandmother) was going to be out of town for a couple of days visiting friends, and knowing my popoo's (my grandfather) absolute inability to boil water, had left him some turkey tetrazzini, fearing that he might in fact starve if left to his own devices (incidentally popoo loved turkey tetrazzini, and meemaw absolutely DESPISED the stuff..... such is love, she made it for him anyway)
she had left it in a tupperware container in the refridgerator with explicit instructions on how to prepare it, what rack in the oven, what temp, how long etc....
this should have been the end of things.. but ohh no.....
ruth gets a call on saturday morning (day after meemaw went out of time) from popoo asking if meemaw had left any of the tetrazzini with her, and if so would she mind if he stopped over that evening and had some.. when questioned by ruth as to what happened to the tetrazzini that meemaw had left for him.. he simply stated "he overcooked it"..
meemaw had in fact only left the tetrazzinin for popoo, but ruth being... well.. ruth, said sure dadi have some, come on over at 6 for dinner, we'd love to have you. at this point ruth made a mad dash for the store to get the ingredients to make turkey tetrazzini, several frantic hours later she completed her tetrazzini (which she had seen meemaw make many many times) just in time for popoo to arrive for dinner. after the meal when asked how he had enjoyed it, he stated "mother must not be feeling well, it wasnt like she usually makes it, i'm glad she got to go take a break for a few days.
well, ruth took things in stride, as popoo did not know, and was not trying to be mean, he was just being his usual straightforward self (he was always a little oblivious to the goings on in the family), and propmptly discussed the incident with meemaw after she returned from her trip...
upon investigation (meemaw never asked popoo what happened) she found a charred lump of plastic with bits of equally charred tetrazzini still embedded in it stuffed in the bottom of the wastebin. it seems popoo followed the instructions EXACTLY.. putting the tetrazzini in the oven plastic container and all. meemaw was NEVER to repeat this mistake, and with some back room dealing it was decide that ruth would get the recipe book, and that in any future trips, popoo would eat with ruth and her family..
and thus the recipes were handed on....
the tetrazzini was made many times by ruth after that, and the comment was always the same... it was good ruth.. but it just seemed to miss something..
ruth never got hurt by this, as meemaw did have a habit of omitting a "sceret ingredient" or two from her recipes... and in fact quite often recipes of hers made exactly from the instructions, often failed to match the output of her own kitchen..
it was not until many years later (shortly before my popoo passed away) that ruth finally gave in and called my father to ask if he happened to know what the secret ingredient for the tetrazzini was, he laughed and told her the secret 1/2 cup of scotch... the first time she had ever made the tetrazzinin for popoo, she had made him a small scotch on the rocks for before dinner, and with drink in hand had gone over to give the tetrazzini a stir, and dropped the drink into the food...
popoo loved it.. and she never had the heart to omit the scotch again...
that is love...... so, next time you sit down and eat a meal with your family.. consider.. if it is a "family recipe" what the story behind that recipe is, you might be surprised.
peace
-dawg
Saturday, December 13, 2008
He ate WHAT?????
I love the old joke about socrates.....
j: what wre socrates' last words......... "I DRANK WHAT???"
i NEVER thought i would utter any statement evn close to that.... but.. weird things happen.
samiel, my black lab (now a rambunctious juvenile) appears to now truly be a mixed breed. he seems to be a cross between a black lab and a billy goat... that damn dog eats EVERYTHING.
i've seen him eat fricking rocks..... so by this point .. nothing should surprise me...
cd jewel cases (with cd's inside) taste great with hot sauce.
books........ ala mode please
plastic bags........ oooooh more please
legos........ appetizers
spare change.......what??? i'm saving for a new rope bone!
and now the crowning, not wanting to believe it happend achievement.
.... in a box of computer parts, my son found a mouse ball.. ya know.. bout the size of a nickel.. weighs about a pound, the little rubber wrapped metal ball.....
and thw WIFE thought it would be a great idea to toos this thing to the dog so that he could "fetch" it.
LOOk honey ... watch!
swooosh..... CHUNK....scrabble scrabble!..... good boy!
swooosh....... chink.... roll roll roll.... scrabble scrabble .... sliiiide.... slurp...
umm honey.... i think sammy just ate the mouse ball...
HE ATE WHAT!!!!
well gues we are gonna find out what the phrase "like a dog straining to shit a peach seed" really looks like!
i wonder.... if i sticjk a usb cable up his but and rub his belly....... will my cirsor move??
peace
-dawg
j: what wre socrates' last words......... "I DRANK WHAT???"
i NEVER thought i would utter any statement evn close to that.... but.. weird things happen.
samiel, my black lab (now a rambunctious juvenile) appears to now truly be a mixed breed. he seems to be a cross between a black lab and a billy goat... that damn dog eats EVERYTHING.
i've seen him eat fricking rocks..... so by this point .. nothing should surprise me...
cd jewel cases (with cd's inside) taste great with hot sauce.
books........ ala mode please
plastic bags........ oooooh more please
legos........ appetizers
spare change.......what??? i'm saving for a new rope bone!
and now the crowning, not wanting to believe it happend achievement.
.... in a box of computer parts, my son found a mouse ball.. ya know.. bout the size of a nickel.. weighs about a pound, the little rubber wrapped metal ball.....
and thw WIFE thought it would be a great idea to toos this thing to the dog so that he could "fetch" it.
LOOk honey ... watch!
swooosh..... CHUNK....scrabble scrabble!..... good boy!
swooosh....... chink.... roll roll roll.... scrabble scrabble .... sliiiide.... slurp...
umm honey.... i think sammy just ate the mouse ball...
HE ATE WHAT!!!!
well gues we are gonna find out what the phrase "like a dog straining to shit a peach seed" really looks like!
i wonder.... if i sticjk a usb cable up his but and rub his belly....... will my cirsor move??
peace
-dawg
the 8,640 minutes of christmas!!! OR "how the mutant stole christmas"
On the first day of christmas my mutant gave to me, A FRICKIN EXCEDRIN HEADACHE NUMBER 3!!!!!
i have always loved the song "the twelve days of christmas" however,having a 4yr old in the house has truly tempered that enthusiasm. this is the first christmas that the mutant truly "gets it" well at least the presents, lights, snacks, etc....
twelve days may be a simple enough breakdown to lead up to xmas for most "ordinary" households, but with the mutant, we have to slog through it minute by exhaustive minute.
thus the "8,640 minutes" of christmas.
(on the couch watching tv)
daddy, is christmas here yet?
-NO maybe.... MAYBE christmas will be here in a couple of weeks.
(in the car going to the grocery store)
daddy, can we go to the christmas house????)
-GAWDinheaven.... SON!!!! there is no christmas house!!!!!....
but, but, but..... i WANT christmas legooooooooooo's
-GGGGRRRRRRRRR maybe if you are really really good... maybe.. maybe santa will bring you christmas legos.
(at mc'donalds)
DADDY LOOK....... I FOUND CHRISTMAS!!!!
-dammittohell....... put the damn ornament back on the tree.... NOOOWWWW!!!!!!!
(various times and locations)
DADDY...
-NO
daddy
-no
but daddy
-nonononono its not christmas yet! please please please STOP asking about christmas...
thank god only 12 days left.......sanity slipping.... need relief....
i swear santa if you don't show yer ass up promptly at 12:01 christmas morning, im gonna hunt yer fat ass down and eat your fucking reindeer.
peace be unto all, this holiday season.
-dawg
i have always loved the song "the twelve days of christmas" however,having a 4yr old in the house has truly tempered that enthusiasm. this is the first christmas that the mutant truly "gets it" well at least the presents, lights, snacks, etc....
twelve days may be a simple enough breakdown to lead up to xmas for most "ordinary" households, but with the mutant, we have to slog through it minute by exhaustive minute.
thus the "8,640 minutes" of christmas.
(on the couch watching tv)
daddy, is christmas here yet?
-NO maybe.... MAYBE christmas will be here in a couple of weeks.
(in the car going to the grocery store)
daddy, can we go to the christmas house????)
-GAWDinheaven.... SON!!!! there is no christmas house!!!!!....
but, but, but..... i WANT christmas legooooooooooo's
-GGGGRRRRRRRRR
(at mc'donalds)
DADDY LOOK....... I FOUND CHRISTMAS!!!!
-dammittohell....... put the damn ornament back on the tree.... NOOOWWWW!!!!!!!
(various times and locations)
DADDY...
-NO
daddy
-no
but daddy
-nonononono its not christmas yet!
thank god only 12 days left.......sanity slipping.... need relief....
i swear santa if you don't show yer ass up promptly at 12:01 christmas morning, im gonna hunt yer fat ass down and eat your fucking reindeer.
peace be unto all, this holiday season.
-dawg
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
hmm, maybe HOOVER woulda been a better name.
so now we are a month into living with the newest dog sammie (samiel) and things are getting really weird.....ok ok.. a little backstory here.
according to the previous owner (not sure if its true or not) she had previosly given sammie away to another lady that didn't take care of him and ended back in the local pound (he's chipped and she lives on a army base.. so guess who they called) well anyhow, the reason given for getting rid of him, was that her mastiff "tried to eat" him.. (heh it's a mastiff, ill buy that)
now i'm not sure if it was his time of neglect.. the near assasination by the mastiff, or the constant re-gifting, but this fucker is neurotic!
you even walk in the general direction of the food bag and he goes freaking nuts! i mean jumping straight up in the air and his ass is doing figure 8's while his tail is spinning like a helicopter trying to take off. (all the while making grunts and groans that remind me of the neighbors late night activities, from my first crappy apartment)
he follows the kid around as if jr were the messiah.. actually if i walk around the house it kinda looks like one of those "ducks on a string" pull toys. daddy (big duck)----jr (small duck)-----sammie (smallest duck).
of course if i was a dog, i'd be glued to jr too (never ending source of tasty bitz)
lately he has taken to sniffing the table (licking it when he thinks we aren't watching) and i've even caught him helping himself to jr's plate once.
last night.. this brilliant animal decided to snatch a piece of bread from MY table WHILE i was watching. listen folks i stabbed a guy in the hand with a fork for stealing a chicken nugget from me once.. you DO NOT TOUCH dawg's food.... that is what we would call BAD.
the only thing that saved this dog, was the fact that if i went after him faster, my food wouldve been all over the floor, and that other dog.... you know... the furry sausage with legs??, she would have been on it like an ethiopian on a chicken.
anyway, dog caught.. howling commenced... (OMG the sounds, it sounded like i was beating him with a porcupine) i'm lauging so hard at his howls that all i could do was whack him once on the head, at which point he looks at me like "thats it???? aww crap i thought i was gonna be hurtin???"
jr comes scrambling in, goes right to the damn dawg and hugs him round the neck and says "it's ok sammy" then promptly goes over and grabs a bit of sandwich off his plate and shoves it at the dog...which the dog promptly inhales (no shit.. his mouth opened, and from two feet away, this bit of sandwich seem to teleport to his mouth) just like a friggin hoover vacumn.
hmmm... HOOVER!
might be time re-name the dog, yet agin
peace
-dawg
according to the previous owner (not sure if its true or not) she had previosly given sammie away to another lady that didn't take care of him and ended back in the local pound (he's chipped and she lives on a army base.. so guess who they called) well anyhow, the reason given for getting rid of him, was that her mastiff "tried to eat" him.. (heh it's a mastiff, ill buy that)
now i'm not sure if it was his time of neglect.. the near assasination by the mastiff, or the constant re-gifting, but this fucker is neurotic!
you even walk in the general direction of the food bag and he goes freaking nuts! i mean jumping straight up in the air and his ass is doing figure 8's while his tail is spinning like a helicopter trying to take off. (all the while making grunts and groans that remind me of the neighbors late night activities, from my first crappy apartment)
he follows the kid around as if jr were the messiah.. actually if i walk around the house it kinda looks like one of those "ducks on a string" pull toys. daddy (big duck)----jr (small duck)-----sammie (smallest duck).
of course if i was a dog, i'd be glued to jr too (never ending source of tasty bitz)
lately he has taken to sniffing the table (licking it when he thinks we aren't watching) and i've even caught him helping himself to jr's plate once.
last night.. this brilliant animal decided to snatch a piece of bread from MY table WHILE i was watching. listen folks i stabbed a guy in the hand with a fork for stealing a chicken nugget from me once.. you DO NOT TOUCH dawg's food.... that is what we would call BAD.
the only thing that saved this dog, was the fact that if i went after him faster, my food wouldve been all over the floor, and that other dog.... you know... the furry sausage with legs??, she would have been on it like an ethiopian on a chicken.
anyway, dog caught.. howling commenced... (OMG the sounds, it sounded like i was beating him with a porcupine) i'm lauging so hard at his howls that all i could do was whack him once on the head, at which point he looks at me like "thats it???? aww crap i thought i was gonna be hurtin???"
jr comes scrambling in, goes right to the damn dawg and hugs him round the neck and says "it's ok sammy" then promptly goes over and grabs a bit of sandwich off his plate and shoves it at the dog...which the dog promptly inhales (no shit.. his mouth opened, and from two feet away, this bit of sandwich seem to teleport to his mouth) just like a friggin hoover vacumn.
hmmm... HOOVER!
might be time re-name the dog, yet agin
peace
-dawg
Sunday, October 5, 2008
quick, someone pass the holy water!
so, the search for a new dog ended (sucessfully...... sort-of, i think.....) rather quickly. after advertising on craigslist for a free "lab-like" dog, we ended up with a pure blooded black lab puppy. i mean, we have no papers or anything that says "this is a genuine lab" or any such nonsense, but by appearance he looks to be more lab than ya find at pet stores, and what the heck he was microchipped as well... who in their right mind chips a mutt puppy...
so here we go.. jet black, with slight white flash on chest, square blocky head, short oily coat, HUUUUGE feet.. microchipped... and definitely more enthusiastic than smart.
conclusion: black lab puppy. of course the previous owner neglected to mention the free worms, and ear mites that came with him... well, i guess ya get what ya get, and ya do what ya gotta do.
he came to us with the name "oscar" (which in retrospect might have been a perfect name, as he eats ANYTHING) but instead we promptly changed his name to "sammael" (sam -eye-ell) after the demon thing from hellboy....
little did we realize that the cute little puppy that was climbing all over our son licking and snuggling with him, would turn out to actually be the real sammael (the daemon from hellboy).
our little ball of joy has a dark side... we are talking dark lord of the sith here folks.
at night, or when we leave the house he turns into a ravening buzzsaw of destruction, and has taken to my books, with an orgiastic glee that is not to be imagined.. the blinds in my room have been reduced have been reduced by one third in size, my couch has a brand new storage space (right in the middle of the seat) and the "free range stuffed animal" population in jr's room has rocketed past endangered and is approaching impending extinction at warp 10!
the one saving grace with this whole situation is that jr freaking loves him.... god help me... the non-stop laughter is driving me insane.... i hear it in my sleep....... please ... someone.... pass the holy water... must exorcise..... the .....daemons!!!!!
peace
-dawg
so here we go.. jet black, with slight white flash on chest, square blocky head, short oily coat, HUUUUGE feet.. microchipped... and definitely more enthusiastic than smart.
conclusion: black lab puppy. of course the previous owner neglected to mention the free worms, and ear mites that came with him... well, i guess ya get what ya get, and ya do what ya gotta do.
he came to us with the name "oscar" (which in retrospect might have been a perfect name, as he eats ANYTHING) but instead we promptly changed his name to "sammael" (sam -eye-ell) after the demon thing from hellboy....
little did we realize that the cute little puppy that was climbing all over our son licking and snuggling with him, would turn out to actually be the real sammael (the daemon from hellboy).
our little ball of joy has a dark side... we are talking dark lord of the sith here folks.
at night, or when we leave the house he turns into a ravening buzzsaw of destruction, and has taken to my books, with an orgiastic glee that is not to be imagined.. the blinds in my room have been reduced have been reduced by one third in size, my couch has a brand new storage space (right in the middle of the seat) and the "free range stuffed animal" population in jr's room has rocketed past endangered and is approaching impending extinction at warp 10!
the one saving grace with this whole situation is that jr freaking loves him.... god help me... the non-stop laughter is driving me insane.... i hear it in my sleep....... please ... someone.... pass the holy water... must exorcise..... the .....daemons!!!!!
peace
-dawg
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