the 8,640 minutes of christmas!!! OR "how the mutant stole christmas"

On the first day of christmas my mutant gave to me, A FRICKIN EXCEDRIN HEADACHE NUMBER 3!!!!!

i have always loved the song "the twelve days of christmas" however,having a 4yr old in the house has truly tempered that enthusiasm. this is the first christmas that the mutant truly "gets it" well at least the presents, lights, snacks, etc....

twelve days may be a simple enough breakdown to lead up to xmas for most "ordinary" households, but with the mutant, we have to slog through it minute by exhaustive minute.
thus the "8,640 minutes" of christmas.

(on the couch watching tv)
daddy, is christmas here yet?
-NO maybe.... MAYBE christmas will be here in a couple of weeks.

(in the car going to the grocery store)
daddy, can we go to the christmas house????)
-GAWDinheaven.... SON!!!! there is no christmas house!!!!!....
but, but, but..... i WANT christmas legooooooooooo's
-GGGGRRRRRRRRR maybe if you are really really good... maybe.. maybe santa will bring you christmas legos.

(at mc'donalds)
DADDY LOOK....... I FOUND CHRISTMAS!!!!
-dammittohell....... put the damn ornament back on the tree.... NOOOWWWW!!!!!!!

(various times and locations)
DADDY...
-NO

daddy
-no

but daddy
-nonononono its not christmas yet! please please please STOP asking about christmas...

thank god only 12 days left.......sanity slipping.... need relief....
i swear santa if you don't show yer ass up promptly at 12:01 christmas morning, im gonna hunt yer fat ass down and eat your fucking reindeer.

peace be unto all, this holiday season.
-dawg