the donut blues.

so today somebody asked me how i had been doing over the last couple of days. as is my norm, i gave a completely honest answer "abso-fucking-lutely crappy".
people just don't know how to take that for an answer... i guess we are so used to giving non-committal "bubble gum" answers, that a bit of honesty can be just a tad overwhelming..
welcome to MY WORLD (you poor poor bastards)

so.. back to yesterday... (the most mind numbingly painful and frustrating days in a loooong while).

first off, i am sufferring (and i do mean TORMENT OF THE DAMMNED here, type suffering) from hemmorhoids...(sorry i know its TMI, but ya gotta uderstand where i am coming from). secondly, i broke my foot last week or so, and it was finally starting to get a bit les painful.

so take these two things together, and well.. i am walking around abit like a penguin with a rather large rose bush up its ass. (laugh now and i swear to god i will send jr to maul you!)

so there we are (wife, penguin-boy, and jr) doing some errands shopping etc..
after braving wally world, it is decided that as a treat we would stop by and grab a dozen donuts (oooohhhhh chocolatey goodnes rox) before stopping by the post office, and then going home..
donuts aqquired.. on to the post office......(up till now things have been going ok).

open door to post office, and enter some kind of twilight zone induced nightmare.
8 people in line in front of me, and ONE CLERK!!! go figure, as i take my place in line i notice this "nice old lady" sitting on a bench filling out what appears to be a 6 inch thick pile of paperwork. i'm thinking to myself... thank god she is not in front of me..... WRONG-O!
we get down to just 3 people in line when the "nice old lady" finishes writing her novel and goes creeping up to the counter... turns out she was just sent off to the side to "fill out a little paperwork" the first clerk looks up and says "sorry folks this is gonna take a while".

the entire line gives a silent yet noticeable sigh of frustration. apparently this lady is getting around 5,000 dollars worth of money orders, and they have to do some federal reporting forms for this crap. the clerk fiddles around with his computer for a second, and then dissapears inn the back.... 2-3 minutes later and a second clerk comes out of the back (i swear she was rubbing the sleep outta her eyes) and gets the next people in line... she says to the crowd, i bet ya'll would like some chairs, (now she says this as a joke), "nice old lady" old lady says "YES i DO NEED a chair" it takes the clerk a second to realize that in fact the old lady is being serious... to which the clerk says in stunned surprise, maam do you really want a chair? "crotchety old bat" snaps back "YES, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SICK" (well no,, not without my x-ray eyes, i think to myself)

well the clerk realizes that in fact there are NO CHAIRS to be had, actually grabs her own stool and hands it over to the counter to the "mean probable cat-lady" (i'm thinking to myself.. 20 lb metal stool+ 80 yr old bat with a walker ='s bad news) ain't nobody else budging, as "nasty old twat" fumbles the stool, and i do what comes naturally.... i go bolting out of line, whip around the corner and skid to a stop, grabbing the falling chair (which probably wouldve broken this ole bird's leg) and gently placing it on the floor with a polite "here you go maam".

as i limp back to my place in line(ohh yes... the skidding to a stop ended up with a crunch as my healing/broken foot slammed into the counter and quite efficiently was re-broken) the lady immediately in front of me says,,, "wow that was quick" i reply that well, thats what ya do.. you help where needed...... the "wicked witch of the west" now comfortably ensconsed on her stool literally scowls at us and hisses out a "harrumph".. time passes and FINALLY i get up to the counter, and the clerk looks me in the and says thank you loudly... and i swear to god.... "cruella deville" mutters (loud enought to be clearly heard) "for what?".
(one more fucking comment and i'm gonna break this bats hip personally) i restrain my self and just reply back to the clerk " oh no problem, that's how i was raised- to be NICE TO PEOPLE"
she just chuckles, and completes my postal business, and i'm on my way out the door. at this time clerk #1 reappears and i swear the old bat says "it's about time, i thought you ran off with my money"... ok i'm am so glad i am not some bitter old bat that feels honor bound to share her misery with the world...

off i head back to my nice safe cave.... at this point i am frigging steamed.. old bat really got my dander up..... my foot is fucking throbbing.... (think rap musci base-line throbbing) and i feel like i have a pineapple shoved halfway up my ass.... i have 2 donuts and give up... just gonna take a nap...... thatll work.


fast forward 2 hours later..
jr gently wakes me up by slamming a large plastic toy into my bedroom door at 30 mph.....

soo.. i get up...
tired,
cranky,
pineapple up ass feeling,
foot fucking whooping me with pain....

donuts... yeah donuts will fix this..

go to kitchen...

donut

box

empty.................................


count to 300 and go crawl back in bed........ the world fucking hates me..

ill just lay here and hate it back.

peace
-dawg