yeah right..
spring cleaning is upon us!! (oh joy, ... actually we are about to get a visit from my in-laws)
so it's time to reduce the clutter, and organize..
HELL... who am i kidding... i like clutter and this is freaking killing me.
both the wife and i tend to be a bit of a pack rat..
take "important papers" for example... i do not honestly believe that in the normal course of things that we dispose of ONE SINGLE SCRAP OF PAPER that has EVER crossed the threshold of our home.
case in point.. we are organizing our "important papers" and separating out that which is to be kept, and that which is to go bye bye...
in the trash box goes a papa johns 25th anniversery ad, and shortly thereafter goes a pap johns 15th anniversery ad as well....
jr drops by and says... "cani help, i want to be a good helpful little boy"
ok.. well here son put this in the trash box....... and then go get me some more papers from the other box.
10 minutes later and it seems that box of papers left to sort through has really not diminished too much, and strangely enough i think i'v seen the same chinese food menu (from a resteraunt near our home... 3 homes ago) at least 5 separate times...
frustrated i step back and just watch mom n jr going at it....
sure enough i DID see that menu multiple times... looks like jr has been taking the "trash" papers, neatly stacking them, sorting them in order (don't ask, i have no clue what criteria he uses for sorting stuff) and then promptly places them "under" a stack of unsorted papers.
aint it great.. he's so helpful...
ohh the hell with it.. he seems to be having fun, and well strangely (even through the soul tearing experience of "throwing stuff away") so does mama.
i'll just let em go..
life is.... GOOD! and clutter is fine too!
peace
-dawg
Sunday, March 29, 2009
snips and snail and puppy dog tails
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !
that appears on its face to be an accurate description, but on further examination in the mutants' case i believe the following is more accurate for him.
What are little mutants made of?
smiles and wiles , and mean ole crocodiles
That's what little mutants are made of !"
smiles and wiles , and mean ole crocodiles
That's what little mutants are made of !"
i am an "observer", i mean that i enjoy sitting back and watching people. i consider myself to be a student of humanity. even if you have no background in psychology or otherwise, if you sit back and watch enough people for long enough, you WILL see patterns emerging.
we like to think that in general people are "social creatures" that is to say we desire the comfort and contact of other beings. truth be told nothing could be further from the truth in adults... kids?? now that really is a completely different story..
as adults we shake hands, spout a platitude and then disengage as quickly as is polite, upon meeting an "old friend". we go to work, and how ya doing.. oh i'm fine.. then its off to our little safe box. we drive home in our enclosed little car, say hi to the family and then withdraw into our own little world (computer/tv etc..) until "forced" to be social (dinner etc...)
THAT IS NOT A SOCIAL BEING!
now lets take kids (and i'll use the mutant as an example)
TEENAGERS DO NOT COUNT!!! THEY ARE NOT EVEN FROM THIS PLANET
(and trying to figure them out is just an exercise in madness)
mutant to strange kid he's never met before (EVER) .... "HI KID, im xavierjohncranehowareyouwannaplay???" at which point he usually walks over and either hugs them or grabs em by the arm and leads em to the nearest toy like thing.
mutant upon awakening.... walks into bedroom blinking sleep outta his eyes, and says..... "morning mommaanddadycaniplaylegomovienow??" at which point he promptly climbs into the bed and sprawls across both of us....
mutant after eating (or sometimes while eating in fact)
"sammy .... SAMMY... quiteatingmytoysyoudumboledog.....herehavesomebreadnowthatsagooddog..goaway"
and then finds some large (and appropriately heavy) object and whacks the dog on the head....
(ohh quit... the dog is fine.. you could hit him in the head with a sledgehammer and he'd be ok)
soo what do YOU think, which approach is better, adult or mutant..
me.. i'll kust pretend that i learned something from the mutant today.
today i'm gonna live, love, and enjoy life!
if aint nobody said it to ya lately..... love ya, and i'm glad yer part of my life!
peace
-dawg
we like to think that in general people are "social creatures" that is to say we desire the comfort and contact of other beings. truth be told nothing could be further from the truth in adults... kids?? now that really is a completely different story..
as adults we shake hands, spout a platitude and then disengage as quickly as is polite, upon meeting an "old friend". we go to work, and how ya doing.. oh i'm fine.. then its off to our little safe box. we drive home in our enclosed little car, say hi to the family and then withdraw into our own little world (computer/tv etc..) until "forced" to be social (dinner etc...)
THAT IS NOT A SOCIAL BEING!
now lets take kids (and i'll use the mutant as an example)
TEENAGERS DO NOT COUNT!!! THEY ARE NOT EVEN FROM THIS PLANET
(and trying to figure them out is just an exercise in madness)
mutant to strange kid he's never met before (EVER) .... "HI KID, im xavierjohncranehowareyouwannaplay???" at which point he usually walks over and either hugs them or grabs em by the arm and leads em to the nearest toy like thing.
mutant upon awakening.... walks into bedroom blinking sleep outta his eyes, and says..... "morning mommaanddadycaniplaylegomovienow??" at which point he promptly climbs into the bed and sprawls across both of us....
mutant after eating (or sometimes while eating in fact)
"sammy .... SAMMY... quiteatingmytoysyoudumboledog.....herehavesomebreadnowthatsagooddog..goaway"
and then finds some large (and appropriately heavy) object and whacks the dog on the head....
(ohh quit... the dog is fine.. you could hit him in the head with a sledgehammer and he'd be ok)
soo what do YOU think, which approach is better, adult or mutant..
me.. i'll kust pretend that i learned something from the mutant today.
today i'm gonna live, love, and enjoy life!
if aint nobody said it to ya lately..... love ya, and i'm glad yer part of my life!
peace
-dawg
Friday, March 13, 2009
memories in winter
it is dark out, snow blamkets the ground in a serene white blanket. the world is still, quiet and peaceful, i light a smoke and brush the snow off the porch rail. i lean forward and stare into the yard and the snow covered land seems to embrace me, and for the first time in a week or two , i personally am at peace.
the more time goes on, the more i realize that in many ways i truly am my fathers legacy and in some ways i have taken a much different path than he. some of this is good, and some of this... well... it just, is. events that profoundly affect our lives have a tendency to make us stop and do a "reality check". i have had many such moments in my life, and starngely enough they are usually in the peaceful aftermath of some kind of storm.
this moment is no different, standing there in the night, i feel a warmth come over me. and i know in my bones, i am alone? no, that is one thing i most certainly am not! always in times like these my connection with those "ghosts of the past" is the strongest, those resolute personalities that have so immutably shaped this life i call "my own". while it truly is my own life, they have shaped it and guide me still.
for better or worse i am my fathers son, as he was his father's. and my son will eventually come to the same realization himself, and the chain will continue. one thing though, i am DEFINITELY NOT doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. my life is not about the decisions i make... it is about the actions i take... these are my living legacy..
a large snowflake drifts down and extinguishes my cigarette, and i am jolted back into the here and now, a decision has been made, a turning point reached... now is the time for action.
as my feet crunch through the new snow, i hear a faint voice drifting on the wind, and i know once again.. i am fine.. they taught me well, and they are with me.... the voice seems to say... "ya know boy, i hated salad too"
guess ill go inside have a glass of tea with splenda, and have a salad.... uggh!
peace
-dawg
p.s. if this doesnt make sense, just give it a while.... it will
the more time goes on, the more i realize that in many ways i truly am my fathers legacy and in some ways i have taken a much different path than he. some of this is good, and some of this... well... it just, is. events that profoundly affect our lives have a tendency to make us stop and do a "reality check". i have had many such moments in my life, and starngely enough they are usually in the peaceful aftermath of some kind of storm.
this moment is no different, standing there in the night, i feel a warmth come over me. and i know in my bones, i am alone? no, that is one thing i most certainly am not! always in times like these my connection with those "ghosts of the past" is the strongest, those resolute personalities that have so immutably shaped this life i call "my own". while it truly is my own life, they have shaped it and guide me still.
for better or worse i am my fathers son, as he was his father's. and my son will eventually come to the same realization himself, and the chain will continue. one thing though, i am DEFINITELY NOT doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. my life is not about the decisions i make... it is about the actions i take... these are my living legacy..
a large snowflake drifts down and extinguishes my cigarette, and i am jolted back into the here and now, a decision has been made, a turning point reached... now is the time for action.
as my feet crunch through the new snow, i hear a faint voice drifting on the wind, and i know once again.. i am fine.. they taught me well, and they are with me.... the voice seems to say... "ya know boy, i hated salad too"
guess ill go inside have a glass of tea with splenda, and have a salad.... uggh!
peace
-dawg
p.s. if this doesnt make sense, just give it a while.... it will
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
the donut blues.
so today somebody asked me how i had been doing over the last couple of days. as is my norm, i gave a completely honest answer "abso-fucking-lutely crappy".
people just don't know how to take that for an answer... i guess we are so used to giving non-committal "bubble gum" answers, that a bit of honesty can be just a tad overwhelming..
welcome to MY WORLD (you poor poor bastards)
so.. back to yesterday... (the most mind numbingly painful and frustrating days in a loooong while).
first off, i am sufferring (and i do mean TORMENT OF THE DAMMNED here, type suffering) from hemmorhoids...(sorry i know its TMI, but ya gotta uderstand where i am coming from). secondly, i broke my foot last week or so, and it was finally starting to get a bit les painful.
so take these two things together, and well.. i am walking around abit like a penguin with a rather large rose bush up its ass. (laugh now and i swear to god i will send jr to maul you!)
so there we are (wife, penguin-boy, and jr) doing some errands shopping etc..
after braving wally world, it is decided that as a treat we would stop by and grab a dozen donuts (oooohhhhh chocolatey goodnes rox) before stopping by the post office, and then going home..
donuts aqquired.. on to the post office......(up till now things have been going ok).
open door to post office, and enter some kind of twilight zone induced nightmare.
8 people in line in front of me, and ONE CLERK!!! go figure, as i take my place in line i notice this "nice old lady" sitting on a bench filling out what appears to be a 6 inch thick pile of paperwork. i'm thinking to myself... thank god she is not in front of me..... WRONG-O!
we get down to just 3 people in line when the "nice old lady" finishes writing her novel and goes creeping up to the counter... turns out she was just sent off to the side to "fill out a little paperwork" the first clerk looks up and says "sorry folks this is gonna take a while".
the entire line gives a silent yet noticeable sigh of frustration. apparently this lady is getting around 5,000 dollars worth of money orders, and they have to do some federal reporting forms for this crap. the clerk fiddles around with his computer for a second, and then dissapears inn the back.... 2-3 minutes later and a second clerk comes out of the back (i swear she was rubbing the sleep outta her eyes) and gets the next people in line... she says to the crowd, i bet ya'll would like some chairs, (now she says this as a joke), "nice old lady" old lady says "YES i DO NEED a chair" it takes the clerk a second to realize that in fact the old lady is being serious... to which the clerk says in stunned surprise, maam do you really want a chair? "crotchety old bat" snaps back "YES, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SICK" (well no,, not without my x-ray eyes, i think to myself)
well the clerk realizes that in fact there are NO CHAIRS to be had, actually grabs her own stool and hands it over to the counter to the "mean probable cat-lady" (i'm thinking to myself.. 20 lb metal stool+ 80 yr old bat with a walker ='s bad news) ain't nobody else budging, as "nasty old twat" fumbles the stool, and i do what comes naturally.... i go bolting out of line, whip around the corner and skid to a stop, grabbing the falling chair (which probably wouldve broken this ole bird's leg) and gently placing it on the floor with a polite "here you go maam".
as i limp back to my place in line(ohh yes... the skidding to a stop ended up with a crunch as my healing/broken foot slammed into the counter and quite efficiently was re-broken) the lady immediately in front of me says,,, "wow that was quick" i reply that well, thats what ya do.. you help where needed...... the "wicked witch of the west" now comfortably ensconsed on her stool literally scowls at us and hisses out a "harrumph".. time passes and FINALLY i get up to the counter, and the clerk looks me in the and says thank you loudly... and i swear to god.... "cruella deville" mutters (loud enought to be clearly heard) "for what?".
(one more fucking comment and i'm gonna break this bats hip personally) i restrain my self and just reply back to the clerk " oh no problem, that's how i was raised- to be NICE TO PEOPLE"
she just chuckles, and completes my postal business, and i'm on my way out the door. at this time clerk #1 reappears and i swear the old bat says "it's about time, i thought you ran off with my money"... ok i'm am so glad i am not some bitter old bat that feels honor bound to share her misery with the world...
off i head back to my nice safe cave.... at this point i am frigging steamed.. old bat really got my dander up..... my foot is fucking throbbing.... (think rap musci base-line throbbing) and i feel like i have a pineapple shoved halfway up my ass.... i have 2 donuts and give up... just gonna take a nap...... thatll work.
fast forward 2 hours later..
jr gently wakes me up by slamming a large plastic toy into my bedroom door at 30 mph.....
soo.. i get up...
tired,
cranky,
pineapple up ass feeling,
foot fucking whooping me with pain....
donuts... yeah donuts will fix this..
go to kitchen...
donut
box
empty.................................
count to 300 and go crawl back in bed........ the world fucking hates me..
ill just lay here and hate it back.
peace
-dawg
people just don't know how to take that for an answer... i guess we are so used to giving non-committal "bubble gum" answers, that a bit of honesty can be just a tad overwhelming..
welcome to MY WORLD (you poor poor bastards)
so.. back to yesterday... (the most mind numbingly painful and frustrating days in a loooong while).
first off, i am sufferring (and i do mean TORMENT OF THE DAMMNED here, type suffering) from hemmorhoids...(sorry i know its TMI, but ya gotta uderstand where i am coming from). secondly, i broke my foot last week or so, and it was finally starting to get a bit les painful.
so take these two things together, and well.. i am walking around abit like a penguin with a rather large rose bush up its ass. (laugh now and i swear to god i will send jr to maul you!)
so there we are (wife, penguin-boy, and jr) doing some errands shopping etc..
after braving wally world, it is decided that as a treat we would stop by and grab a dozen donuts (oooohhhhh chocolatey goodnes rox) before stopping by the post office, and then going home..
donuts aqquired.. on to the post office......(up till now things have been going ok).
open door to post office, and enter some kind of twilight zone induced nightmare.
8 people in line in front of me, and ONE CLERK!!! go figure, as i take my place in line i notice this "nice old lady" sitting on a bench filling out what appears to be a 6 inch thick pile of paperwork. i'm thinking to myself... thank god she is not in front of me..... WRONG-O!
we get down to just 3 people in line when the "nice old lady" finishes writing her novel and goes creeping up to the counter... turns out she was just sent off to the side to "fill out a little paperwork" the first clerk looks up and says "sorry folks this is gonna take a while".
the entire line gives a silent yet noticeable sigh of frustration. apparently this lady is getting around 5,000 dollars worth of money orders, and they have to do some federal reporting forms for this crap. the clerk fiddles around with his computer for a second, and then dissapears inn the back.... 2-3 minutes later and a second clerk comes out of the back (i swear she was rubbing the sleep outta her eyes) and gets the next people in line... she says to the crowd, i bet ya'll would like some chairs, (now she says this as a joke), "nice old lady" old lady says "YES i DO NEED a chair" it takes the clerk a second to realize that in fact the old lady is being serious... to which the clerk says in stunned surprise, maam do you really want a chair? "crotchety old bat" snaps back "YES, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SICK" (well no,, not without my x-ray eyes, i think to myself)
well the clerk realizes that in fact there are NO CHAIRS to be had, actually grabs her own stool and hands it over to the counter to the "mean probable cat-lady" (i'm thinking to myself.. 20 lb metal stool+ 80 yr old bat with a walker ='s bad news) ain't nobody else budging, as "nasty old twat" fumbles the stool, and i do what comes naturally.... i go bolting out of line, whip around the corner and skid to a stop, grabbing the falling chair (which probably wouldve broken this ole bird's leg) and gently placing it on the floor with a polite "here you go maam".
as i limp back to my place in line(ohh yes... the skidding to a stop ended up with a crunch as my healing/broken foot slammed into the counter and quite efficiently was re-broken) the lady immediately in front of me says,,, "wow that was quick" i reply that well, thats what ya do.. you help where needed...... the "wicked witch of the west" now comfortably ensconsed on her stool literally scowls at us and hisses out a "harrumph".. time passes and FINALLY i get up to the counter, and the clerk looks me in the and says thank you loudly... and i swear to god.... "cruella deville" mutters (loud enought to be clearly heard) "for what?".
(one more fucking comment and i'm gonna break this bats hip personally) i restrain my self and just reply back to the clerk " oh no problem, that's how i was raised- to be NICE TO PEOPLE"
she just chuckles, and completes my postal business, and i'm on my way out the door. at this time clerk #1 reappears and i swear the old bat says "it's about time, i thought you ran off with my money"... ok i'm am so glad i am not some bitter old bat that feels honor bound to share her misery with the world...
off i head back to my nice safe cave.... at this point i am frigging steamed.. old bat really got my dander up..... my foot is fucking throbbing.... (think rap musci base-line throbbing) and i feel like i have a pineapple shoved halfway up my ass.... i have 2 donuts and give up... just gonna take a nap...... thatll work.
fast forward 2 hours later..
jr gently wakes me up by slamming a large plastic toy into my bedroom door at 30 mph.....
soo.. i get up...
tired,
cranky,
pineapple up ass feeling,
foot fucking whooping me with pain....
donuts... yeah donuts will fix this..
go to kitchen...
donut
box
empty.................................
count to 300 and go crawl back in bed........ the world fucking hates me..
ill just lay here and hate it back.
peace
-dawg
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