birthdays are for ... chuck e cheese! (or, my slow trip through parental HELL)

OH MY GAWD the mutant is 5...... FIVE whole MINDNUMBINGLYPAINFUL/SCARY/CRAZYKOOL/GREAT YEARS!!!

for his fifth b'day we decided to spring for a birthday trip to chuck e cheese's. (yeah i know.. i'm supposed to be smart.... sometimes i just wake up and leave my brain by the bed.... SOFA KING WE TODD DID).

anyway.. off to chuck's house o horrors.....

enter and get greeted by some poor tranked out employee (ya know they toke up during breaks...gotta stay sane somehow) who promptly stamps jr and my arm with matching numbers in some secret uv reactive ink..... (holee crap.. what the hell is this??? some kinda of freaky neon colored auschwitz??).

the wife says "cool, they make sure the kid and parents match!!" and i'm, thinking to myself... "riiiight, hell no, its to make sure the PARENTS actually CLAIM their rugrats"

we go over to our table and met up with our neighbors and their kids and grandkids (who all starngely enough, seem to love the little capri sun swilling, cookie stealing monster that is my offspring) and jr promptly spots the "playland"

i look at this thing... one entrance (an enclosed 1 story climbing stair thingy), one exit(a slide) and the rest of the thing is completely overhead... (think habitrail... for kids).... kool i can easily keep an eye on jr... IF i can get him to go up the stair thingy...

jr HATES to be off the ground (unless its in mommas arms).. the little rat who normally avoids slides/ladders/monkeybars/teetertotters like the freaking plague BOLTS towards this thing, and like a monkey up a tree after a bannanna is JUST PLAIN GONE!!!!
20 minutes later, i finally have to stick my head up the musty sweaty sock smelling tunnel like slide and growl.. "xavierjohncrane.. get yer butt down here NOW!"

FWOOP.. out pops a maniacally grinning mutant..
ok off to play some games..
whack a mole.. i place the mallet in jr's hands and he just looks at me and looks at me like i'm stupid, until i tell him... smack em like ya smack the dog........ welll go figure... new high score!

skee ball.... time to find out if plexiglass really is unbreakable...... NOPE, not a chance.

soccer ball kicking game...... HEH need i say anything at all....

suffice it to say.. 2 and a half hours later we finally exit our trip through parental hell and head back home.... 15 min drive to the house is accompanied by a nonstop report on everything he just did for the last 2 hours.... (DUHHHH guess i wasnt there really... musta been just a dadshaped stuffed animal)

here we are 4 DAYS later, and my right eye has finally stopped twitching, the ringing in my ears has subsided, and the nightmares......well that may take a wee bit....

peace
-dawg