twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
every creature was stirring, even the damn mice
the stockings with runs were truly threadbare
in the hopes that the fat man wouldn't pass out in the chair
the children were wrestling, and bonking their heads
whilst sugar and sweetners turned their eyes flaming red
mamma in her nightie and me in my shorts
had cracked the jim beam and had a few snorts
when out on the porch there came a mighty yell
i leapt from my lazy boy and screamed what the hell
raced cross the room and grabbed my trusty gun
peeked through the blinds and prepared to have some fun
but what to my drunken eyes should appear
but a tiny ass sleigh and eight fucked up deer
the big ole driver, wobbled over then he paused
holy hell, its that fat bastard the drunken santa claus..........
