in approximately 8 years i will have to start showering in the backyard.
the new addition is going to be a girl!!!
why 8 years you ask.. well
in 8 years.. my daughter will be... 8 (duuuh!!!)
the mutant will be 14 (teeeeeeenager)
momma is going to be...... (hell no i ain't gonna tel you.. think i want to be castrated too??)
teenage boy + 2 women in the house = no more bathroom time for dad!
you know, the thought of having a daughter is actually pretty terrifying. there are so so many ways i can fuck this up, its not like a boy ya know.
here is a short list that might put that statement into perspective.
boys: (my natural inclinations)
1: blowing up gi joes in the front yard is a bonding experience! (kooool .. his head hit the roof)
2: farts are mutual expressions of endearment. (like a stinky, loud man-hug)
3: bugs are awesome!! (except those rotten ole spiders... blecch!)
4: dog kisses are magic! (seriously they do help scrapes scab quicker)
5: walk it off.. its just a missing toe. (just kidding, jr is freaking tough though)
6: sure you can hang out in your underwear. (hell i just got tired of fighting it!!)
7: gross things are pretty kool! (well??? they are!!!!)
girls: (where my natural inclinations get expensive)
1: setting barbies on fire is bad. (future therapist bills)
2: farts are icky. (daddy.. you are a gross animal)
3: bugs, belong outside, far far away. (preferably squished flat)
4: dog kisses are sliiimy! (ewwwww grosss!)
5: a boo boo rates a pink bunny band aid. (i am soooo fucked!)
6: walking around in underwear is not tolerated. (therapy... see above)
7: god dad, whay do you have to watch that icky stuff?? (did i mention... therapy?)
like i said.... doomed!
peace
-dawg
